if you were a flower
you’d be a damnnnndelion
(Source: communistbakery, via thisseamonkey)
did you hear about the italian chef who died?
he pasta way
he just ran out of thyme
here today, gone tomato
his wife is still upset, cheese still not over it
we never sausage a tragedy coming
ashes to ashes, crust to crust
there’s just not mushroom for italian chefs in today’s world
(Source: sofunnyimcryan, via thisseamonkey)
"wow! who taught you to do your makeup like that?"
"wow! who taught you how to make that?"
"wow! who taught you-"
why do you know so much about sex
why are you so calm about porn
Why do you know so much about murdering people
Why do you want to murder a lot of people
(Source: nappyheadet, via thisseamonkey)
harry potter didn’t have to do p.e. so why do i
Harry Potter played quidditch.
harry potter never did the beep test
(Source: fightculb, via imhereandiheartscully)